Couch Potato How-to Guide


Hey, spud buddies, fed up with work and worries? It’s about time you learn how to relax and do nothing. Six simple steps will earn you an MA Degree – that’s a Master of Apathy Degree, and a Loafer’s License.

The Six-Step Plan
1. Prepare your couch for slouching. Be sure you can see the TV.
2. Prepare your slouch couch with snacks: comfort food and drinks.
3. Be versatile. Add an Xbox, trash reading matter, and movie DVDs.
4. Be nice to anybody who can fetch you stuff.
5. Fight guilt with exercise. Reaching for chips and dip counts.
6. Danger! Too much couch potato-ing is bad for your health. Do it no more than daily.

As a matter of fact, the late Joey Adams, comedian, old-fashioned vaudevillian, and honorary holder of a doctorate in Comedy from NYU, once said, “If it weren’t for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn’t get any exercise at all.”
This week your Jamestown Gazette’s Medical Science Department presents this useful health tip, our How-to Guide to Couch Potato-ing, as the second best of all health and fitness strategies you can ever try. For your safety, however, please use it only as a fallback strategy in case you cannot engage in the one, single better health and fitness plan that we know of. So, what’s that one better fitness plan for you? It’s called: Anything else! Couch Potato-ing is second best to everything. Try a dose of absolutely anything else, if you really want to get fit and be healthy.
That’s why the Jamestown Gazette’s contributing writer this week, Chautauqua Sports Hall of Fame President Randy Anderson, is highlighting this year’s inductees in the CSHOF. The Hall of Fame’s 38th annual Induction Dinner will be held on Monday evening, February 18th, at the Lakewood Rod and Gun Club. We predict that attendees will see no evidence that the 2019 honorees ever followed the Couch Potato How-to Fitness Guide. Our hope, in fact, is that the thrilling stories of this year’s inductees will inspire our readers to make a new commitment, or revive an old one, to their own health and fitness.
One of the most enlightening facts to take away is that, although each of the inductees have done extraordinary things, they are really only ordinary people like the rest of us. Admiring and respecting them is important, but idolizing them says they are so different from the rest of us that we cannot ever aspire to achieving extraordinary things ourselves.
The Hall of Fame is a place where winners inspire the rest of us to be better. It might even be that winning isn’t only about the person, team, or natural obstacle you beat. It is also about what you learn to overcome within yourself. Roger Staubach, five-time Superbowl winner with the Dallas Cowboys, explained it like this: “Winning isn’t getting ahead of others. It’s getting ahead of yourself.”

This week, get off the couch. Do anything but potato-ing. Visit the CSHOF and get to know this year’s winners right here in your Jamestown Gazette.

Enjoy the read and let them inspire you.

Walt Pickut