Watch your slanguage!

Watch your slanguage!

I’ve been having trouble understanding some people lately, so I decided to learn a new language, but even a little is too much. “Stay woke, pal, keep it 100 for plain English. I’m hundo p 4 that. Got no FOMO. In fact, got JOMO on it.” Rough translation: “Keep informed, friend, stay true to plain […]

Un-phone Please!

Un-phone Please!

If you were born with a phone in your hand, your mother wouldn’t have liked it and her doctor would have been amazed. So why do so many clerks still have their phones stuck to their ears while they’re supposed to be working? The other day I got a dirty look and a rude answer […]

Cup or Bowl?

Cup or Bowl?

I was traveling out of state recently and stopped at a nice looking restaurant for lunch. I ordered a cup of soup and my friend ordered a bowl. Oddly, though the cup and bowl had the expected shapes, each contained exactly the same amount of soup! But the bowl cost $1.50 more. Believe it or […]

Like pulling teeth…

Like pulling teeth…

OK, doctors and dentists have tough schedules. They can’t help it if some patients need more time. They try to help everybody. That’s good, but I wind up an hour late. That’s OK, too, if somebody needs more help, I can wait. So I called ahead and learned I would wait ‘till 5:00 for my […]

Lurking?

Lurking?

You are either good company or a Peeping Tom. I’ve heard once too often from people who lurk on Facebook, peeking into my posts, but won’t post anything of their own. If you want to know so much about me, why do you stay in hiding? It feels creepy to know somebody is watching me […]

Bag it?

Bag it?

The other day I bought a donut wrapped in a deli tissue. The clerk at the bakery counter wrapped a handful of paper napkins around it and placed it in a bag for me. At the checkout the cashier offered to place that bag and my coffee into another bag. That four-times wrapped donut seemed […]

T-Time

T-Time

The other day I saw a T-shirt being worn by someone in a nearby supermarket that proudly exhibited obscene language and a gruesome picture of skulls and knives, dead bodies and gore. OK, the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution guarantees free speech, but doesn’t common decency mean anything to people who want to publically […]

Hot dog!

Hot dog!

I saw a hot dog other day. I was ready to break the car window to rescue the poor thing when the owner showed up. She opened the door and stepped back with the heat that rolled out. What did she think her dog was supposed to do? Even on a 70-degree day the temperature […]

What’s the Answer?

What’s the Answer?

I called a client the other day, and got her voicemail. My client’s voice explained in detail how to wait for the beep, leave my name, phone number, and a brief message. Then a second pre-recorded message explained the same thing, almost verbatim. It was a good minute-and-a-half before I could even leave the message. […]

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