It started with a…
I paused mid-step, searching for the sound. Nothing.
What is that? Could it be?
Holy cow! That is me!
Looking back, there were signs. I recall this exchange when a friend was visiting…
Me: “I really need some curtains. Maybe a balance.”
Friend: “A balance?”
Me: “Yes, you know, those tiny curtains that say ‘Look at me! I’m all grown up and mature with a real house and a real husband and real kids and a dog. And I even have décor on my windows.”
Friend: “You mean a valance.”
Me: “That’s what I said.”
Friend: (Sigh. And I’m pretty sure an eye roll, but I haven’t started wearing the glasses that my new eye doctor gave me. Which was another sign. I actually said-out loud, mind you… “You look young to be a doctor! Are you sure you have a licence?”
Between the clicking and squinting, the signs are coming. Suddenly I feel compelled to bore my children with tales that begin “When I was your age….” And I suddenly feel compelled to serve food from serving dishes instead of pots and the plastic containers they come in.
I am now thirty-nine and two-thirds years old. I’m not dreading the big 4-0. Sure, I now debate over tucking my muffin top in or letting it hang over, but the number 40 isn’t freaking me out.
Still, I’m not immune to what turning 40 means. It’s the approaching due date. And what have I accomplished? It’s feels like I’ve done all the brainstorming and research, but my project is due and I’ve got to turn all of my notes into something amazing. But what? A poster? A diorama? A play?
Yeah, yeah, I know, I’ve got two fabulous kids to show for my years, a good marriage and some friends. I wanted to be something. Suddenly I’m wondering why I didn’t run track in college. Could I have been one of those Olympic athletes? Maybe I can train and start a geriatric Olympics! Why didn’t I start writing sooner? Maybe I could have had a national column and go on a speaking tour! Maybe I could do both, if I wasn’t so tired by 9:00 at night.
Maybe if I get a great night’s sleep, I’ll get up and run before the kids wake up.